Being Big Sister

My little sister is 18 years old and a freshman in college. For her first semester, she made a 2.5 GPA and failed a class. She works part-time and takes 13-15 hours a semester. She lives in a house with two cats and two dogs, she was allowed to take my car to college (leaving me without a car), and she gets her college paid for through a scholarship she is about to lose due to her grades.

I am 21 years old and in my last semester of college. My overall GPA is a 3.8 and I have never made below a B. I work as a Resident Assistant and as a desk clerk while taking 20-23 hours a semester. I still live in a small dorm room with no personal bathroom and no kitchen. I also am not allowed to live with any animals except for fish. I have no car because my sister took it, and I am $50,000 in debt for school loans.

I did this comparison because I’m feeling very selfish and like everything is very unfair. Ever since My little sister was born, it seems as if I have had to give up everything because I’m the big sister and that’s my job. Today we went shopping because we had $110 in coupons for a store. My mother told me getting clothes for my little sister was the top priority. When my little sister was done shopping, she had spent $90 of the coupons, plus she had a gift card to the store. We only had $20 in coupons left, meaning I had to put back the dress pants and dress shirt I wanted to buy because I could not afford it without the coupons.

I make about $200 a month from working the front desk, my little sister makes about $300 every two weeks.

When we were in high school, my little sister was always allowed to spend the night at a friend’s house on school nights because she was depressed and “fragile” and needed her friends to uplift her. I wasn’t allowed to spend the night on school nights, and was left a depressed little mess in my room.

I know it all seems insignificant, and I shouldn’t be envious of my little sister over it, but I am. She isn’t held to the same standards as I am, and I suppose that’s because I’m the big sister and she is the little sister. If I fail a class, I’m pulled out of college. If I make below a 3.5 semester GPA, I’m put on probation by my parents. I feel like I have to give up so much for my little sister. Sometimes, I just want to come first.

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About returntoneverland

All around procrastinator, screw-up extraordinaire.
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