Doomed.

Most people who enter a relationship believe the notion that they will be together forever — at least that’s what they are hoping. They don’t see an end date in sight, and they aren’t thinking “There is no point to this relationship, it can’t go anywhere”.

I’m not most people. The relationship I’m in isn’t most relationships.

He is from England, and I am from America. He is here for a year, I am here for the rest of my life. He leaves in May, and I get to watch his plane carry him off to where I will never see him again. Our relationship has an expiration date whether we want it to or not, and that is completely and utterly heartbreaking. No matter how much I don’t want him to go, he will go. And I will stay.

There was the idea that I could hold off grad school for a year and study abroad for my fourth year in undergrad, but it seems ridiculous to plan a whole year in another country for someone with the possibility of us breaking up. I shouldn’t want to change everything for one person, that’s just silly.

But I do. I’m a hopeless romantic and I truly want to believe that if I want it enough, we will fly off to England for another wonderful year together. But this isn’t the movies — it doesn’t matter what I want. This is life, and that probably won’t happen. So I will stay here, in America, and hope I’m not heartbroken for too long.

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About returntoneverland

All around procrastinator, screw-up extraordinaire.
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