I’ve recently (and when I say recently, I mean a few minutes ago) come to the conclusion that I don’t have best friends anymore. In high school, I had 4: Karly, Hayley, Shanna, and Savanna. I had a fifth, Ryan, but that sadly ended on a relatively bad note my the second semester of junior year. In middle school, I had a few as well. My freshman year of college, I had one. And now, I am best friendless.
I have decided there are two main reasons this is so. Firstly, it seems as if being an RA hasn’t allowed me to have any best friends. No social life = no best friends. I don’t have roommates because I live in a dorm and have a whole room to myself, and typically people room with their best friends. The one I had last year has moved off campus (lucky her) and so we never see each other anymore and barely speak to each other. Also, who wants to be friends with someone who has to adhere to dorm policies when visiting my room (i.e. no alcohol, can’t be loud, etc.) and who has to use a community bathroom and has no kitchen? There is literally no appeal to hanging out with me in my room. I can hardly go visit them because I am always on duty and can’t leave the building, so there goes that option.
The second main reason is distance. The four best friends I had in high school are nowhere near me anymore. Three are in Texas and one is in Chicago. In high school, we saw each other and hung out with each other everyday. Now, we are never in town at the same time and when we are, our schedules don’t match up. They have all found other friends, and I have not. Two of them, Karly and Shanna, have remained best friends and excluded everyone else out. Karly is currently visiting Shanna, and when I found out it broke my heart. It is difficult to watch two of your former best friends continue on as if they were living with each other. I suppose you could call it jealously. Another dear friend of mine, one whom I thought would be my best friend forever and ever, has left me in the back ground for a long time now and I just didn’t want to see it. We have known each other since I was 5, and I thought that would always mean something special. But, like everyone else, she has made different friends and a different life – one that rarely includes me.
So here I am, sitting here friendless. And that probably will never change.