As I was cleaning my room today, I decided to pause and check my twitter feed. What I found was a whole lotta #RIP for the very talented actor, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Naturally, I couldn’t believe it and jumped on my computer to see if it was a hoax. If it is, then it is a very good one. Almost all of the media outlets have confirmed it to be true and report it to be a drug overdose, which makes it all the more devastating. 

I typically don’t write a blog post about a famous person who has sadly passed, but as I began to read the comments of each article, I was overwhelmed by the comments people left, and I would like to address those.

“Here is a guy who made the very conscious choice to put a needle in his arm and play Russian roulette…”


“Obviously had no self respect. No one with any smarts sticks needles in their arms. One less scum sucking drug taking puke less in the world.”


“Addiction is not a disease. I smoke cigarettes and it’s not a disease. I can’t stand when people don’t take responsibility for their actions.”


Look me in the eyes and tell me drug addiction is a choice. Do it, I dare you. Yes, for some they do it just for the feeling, but for many that isn’t how it works. They have demons so dark and possessive inside of them that having a risk of overdosing is much better than actually wanting to kill yourself. Look me in the eyes and tell he had plenty of time to ask for hep, and that was all he needed to do. It took me a whole year to ask for help with my depression. A whole yearFor depression. Drug addiction is so much more complicated, and it sure as hell isn’t easy asking for help, especially as a celebrity and especially with depression. Look me in the eyes and tell me addiction is not a disease. It is a disease of the mind. When you become addicted to anything, the chemicals in your brain change to where you yearn for whatever your addicted to. That is a disease. 

I’m so sick and tired of people being so oblivious to the suffering that happens inside the mind. Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. There is a darkness out there so great that it drives people to drugs or suicide, and not by choice. Those people feel like they have no choice. I sometimes wish  I could take my brain and put it into someone else so they can feel the darkness start to creep into their limbs, and maybe then they will understand it isn’t a choice. 

Look me in the eyes and tell me those with drug addiction or a mental illness are selfish.


About returntoneverland

All around procrastinator, screw-up extraordinaire.
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3 Responses to PSH

  1. May I share a little bit of my story with you, in response to your excellent post? I have suffered from major depressive disorder pretty much all my life, and generalized anxiety disorder for almost ten years now. I actively seek out care, live with the stigma, go into a psychiatric clinic when I have to, live with the side effects of my medications – weight gain, hypertension, and so forth. I’ve had to live through the journey of my family denying my diagnosis, then believing all sorts of odd things about it, and now – even when they generally behave “well” – making jokes about other people being “mentally unwell” if they do something odd or unusual. But at least I try.
    My husband drinks. A lot. Blood tests showed almost three years ago that his liver was beginning to fail. His drinking affects our relationship and my mental health: I’m afraid of what might happen when he’s drunk, and he’s drunk nearly every night. He still refuses to see his drinking as a problem. There’s always an excuse. His bottom line, the one he always returns to, is that his alcohol is analogous to my medications: what he does to get him through; except what he’s doing is killing him, whereas what I’m doing is keeping me alive.
    I know he doesn’t have a choice about his drinking, but it’s so very, very hard to watch the person you love kill themselves, while you – and they – can’t do anything about it.
    So I fully endorse everything you’ve said in your post. Thank you so much for it, and I’m sorry this has been such a long, rambling comment.

    • ameliaalexis says:

      I am so very sorry for all you are going through, and I will be thinking of you daily. I definitely agree that watching someone fall into such a deep pit is both difficult and terrifying. In my very few years of experience, I have discovered that you cannot help someone unless they want help, and that is super hard to swallow. People don’t understand why someone wouldn’t want help, but there are so many different, complicated reasons. I hope your husband can get past his addiction and seek help, and I wish you the best of luck.

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