Yes… I’m late on this one.
Way to start off the New Year, Amelia.
Anywho, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I would write in this post – probably more than I like to admit – and I have definitely looked back over this past year. Extensively. And I haven’t just looked back at 2013 whilst it was on its way out, I have looked back every day. With every decision I make, I base it on previous experience, as many people do. I have still yet to decide whether that is a good thing or not – whether I do it too much, too little, or just the right amount. Point being is I don’t ignore the past, I rely heavily on it. And when I think back to last New Years I can’t help but cringe. Like I said in my previous post, who I was is not who I want to be by any means. Last New Years I was spending it with someone I shouldn’t have, and I knew better. I woke up on January 1st, 2013, and I said good bye to his face for the very last time. I had this feeling it would be the last time, and I struggled with that for such a long time. But now I am a differently girl, and it took a lot to get me there.
I’m in this new skin and this new mindset, and it is definitely something to get used to. But I am slowly settling into it, getting comfy and readjusting. It is a skin that I think will suit me for the time being unlike the skin I recently shed, which was tight and demanding. Most people make a New Year resolution to become a better person, but not me. I became a better person a few months ago, and I’m not leaving her anytime soon. My New Year isn’t about starting to be better, it is continuing it. Sure, there will still be struggles to go through and fights with myself to be lost, but I am getting there, and I didn’t wait for a new year to start. So I got that going for me, which is nice.
Now, onto the topic I am sure a lot of my friends and family are curious about. Let me tell you one thing: I have always fallen behind on trends, not because I don’t notice them, but because I don’t have the opportunity to follow it if I wanted to. And I have noticed the latest trend is people my age hitting big milestones in their lives. Namely in the relationship department. Now I woke up this morning on January 1st, 2013, and checked Facebook like I typically do. Low and behold, there were 5 engagement announcements, all from people under 21 years of age. Guys, I will be 21 in 9 months, so clearly I am falling behind. Not only that, but my best friend (who is 21) has told me of her plans to get pregnant this year after her husband comes back from his tour (which is really great for her, I am totally stoked!) but that makes me feel like I am falling really really behind. Let me admit something to you: I don’t ever picture myself in their position. I honestly don’t. I can’t see myself having feelings for someone again, certainly not enough to want to marry them, or even have kids with them. It’s not that I don’t want to, but I just don’t. That was a revelation that sort of hit me this morning as I was scrolling through the pictures of a guy on one knee and a girl with her hand proudly stuck out to show the ring. It isn’t a situation I can picture myself in. That being said, I am perfectly content with that, which I find rather odd for me. I remember falling head over heels for any guy who would look at me. I remember pinning wedding things and secretly planning my wedding, even when I wasn’t in a relationship. And now those things don’t amuse me like they once did. So for this year, for 2014, I will ignore all of the engagements and weddings and I won’t feel sorry for myself and I won’t feel lonely. I don’t know what I will feel, but certainly not that. Currently 2014 is my time to get used to this new skin of mine.
Like I said before, I had previously been thinking a lot about what to write in this post and then I realized that was my problem. I think too much. I plan too much. So, if I were to make any changes to myself like most people do for the new year, it would be to stop planning. Which is an odd concept but hey, it might work for me.
Hopefully I will like this new skin. And hopefully 2014 won’t feel the need to challenge me as much as 2013 did. And 2014, if you do find it necessary to challenge me, please be nice about it.
Here is to this new skin.