So a few months ago, three to be exact, I blogged about the the terrifying prospect of turning 20. It wasn’t much of a post to be honest. It was a mere four lines musing that I was turning 20 in three months, 21 in 15 months, and how I just got used to being 19.
And that still rings true. My birthday has come and gone, and I still feel about 15 years old. I remember being little and looking up to my big cousins and thinking “Geez, how can they be so mature? They look so old! How can I possibly be like them when I am their age?” I don’t know if that was just 10 year old me putting 15 year old cousins up on this pedestal, awed by their age and the homework they had to do in high school.
Even when I was a mere freshman or sophomore in high school, I looked up to the seniors as if they were ages ahead of me. They certainly looked mature. I would look at myself in the mirror everyday and wonder how the hell I would get to that point in two years. I couldn’t envision my face shifting into adulthood. But here I am, 20 years old. Wondering what I will look like in 1, 5, 10 more years. Wondering how much more mature I can get. It’s funny: looking back, I remember thinking to myself “Man, I am just really mature for high school.” And now I am in college. And now I open my mouth and think to myself “Amelia, shut up. You sound 10.”
I suppose I will have to get used to the idea of the number 20. Soon enough, I will have to get used to 21. Everything is coming so fast. I’m not ready.