So, at the beginning of the summer, I started this thing. It’s called a boy diet. Yes, I’m boycotting the male species. For how long you ask? The whole summer.
Let me repeat that: The. Whole. Damn. Summer.
Am I crazy? Obviously. But, allow me to explain. You see, ever since the seventh grade I have either had a boyfriend or had a huge heartbreaking crush on someone.
Kyle – 7th grade boyfriend
Zack – 8th grade crush
Randall – 8th grade boyfriend
Ty- summer crush
Caleb – 9th grade boyfriend
Tyler – 9th grade crush
Antonio – 9th grade crush
Emon – 10th grade boyfriend
Harrison – 10th grade crush
Josh – 10th grade crush
Firecrotch (I only remember his nickname) – 10th grade crush
Kyle – Summer crush
Benjamin – 11th grade boyfriend
Ryan – 12th grade crush
Frank – Summer boyfriend
Brandon – most recent ex
Jake – freshman year of college crush
Cameron – freshman year of college crush
Justin – freshman year of college crush
Jake (another one) – freshman year of college crush
Micah – on and off crush for years
Those are just the ones I remember. 21 reasons (probably a few more) why I need this boy diet. I have never had time for me – to focus on my needs and my mental stability and my growth as a person and a woman. I hate to admit it because I swore to myself I would never be this girl, but I needed guys in my life because who else was there? To me, up until very recently, there was no one else. No one could make me feel like a guy could. No one could make me stop crying and make me start laughing, no one could give me butterflies, no one could make me feel worth something like a guy could. And then I had an epiphany a few months ago. No one could make me start crying and stop laughing, no one could kill the butterflies, no one could make me feel worthless like a guy could. And guess who could make me feel like my best self? Me. No shit, sherlock. It took me a long time to come to that realization, but at least it wasn’t too late.
So here I am on this boy diet. Thinking of myself, focusing on myself, working on myself. No boys. No flirting, one relationships, no feelings for guys. Just me, myself, and my cat. (Although my mother makes the compelling case that I have replaced boys with cats. As she says “In the face of change and heartache, some latch onto a boy, some latch onto a cat. Or two. Or twelve.”) Honestly. I feel fantastic. This summer has gone exactly the way I want it to – knock on wood – and I don’t give two shits and a rat’s ass about boys or their feelings for me. Because sorry, it’s my turn.
Might I add, that is a shit-ton of boys coming in and out of my life. And, I have also noticed that after a breakup with a boy I really really liked, I would go on a rampage of whoring out my emotional state of being. So let’s not do that anymore Amelia, okay? Great.