Rely.

I used to be the girl who wouldn’t let anyone or anything change her mind. Even boys. Especially boys. I used to be the girl who would say “You know what? If this is the best option for me, then I will take it regardless of any boy who is in my life. I will not make decisions based on a boy.”

And of course, that all went to hell in a hand basket.

What happened to that girl? And when was she replaced with this girl who will sacrifice herself to make them happy?

Warning, I’m typing this after downing a bottle of wine, so this might not make sense. Yes, it’s been that type of week.

My best friend and I were texting and were talking about this very topic and everything she said was completely valid, but my stubborn self kept making excuses like I always do. My happiness relies on boys and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I want the confirmation that I am loved. Maybe because if I am not wanted by someone than I am not worth anything. I haven’t exactly figured out why I have been relying on boys to make me happy and I suppose it will take me quite a long time and a lot of soul searching to find that answer.

I used to be the girl who was strong and independent. If the boy was trailing behind, I would leave them in the dust and laugh. I used to be the girl who would lead boys around and make them do silly things to prove their love for me. Isn’t it funny how the roles can reverse so totally and quickly?

What happened to that girl?

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About returntoneverland

All around procrastinator, screw-up extraordinaire.
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