Heart ache

Last night I dreamed of a difference face than the one I am used to seeing. This face has been appearing in my mind for the past week or so because he strikes something in me. There is something about his smile – mischievous, with the corners of his mouth slightly perked. His eyes are a piercing blue against is pale skin and they seem to be able to penetrate into me but are inviting and soft at the same time. They seem to scream at me, draw me in.

This face is also married. But he flirts with me like he is single.

The way he slides his hand across my waist when he walks by me, the way he puts his cheek against my ear and whispers silly things to me, the way he sneaks up behind me and pokes my sides and catches me when I fall from becoming startled. I just want for him to sweep me off my feet. But he is married. And when I found out he was, I was hurt, and I told him to never talk to me again. I don’t know why. Maybe because this has happened before. Maybe because he was dragging me into something that could never happen. Maybe because I always pick the guys who are not good.

Either way, he made an appearance last night in my dream. He walked up to me, took my hands in his, looked into my eyes. I looked back into his, and I melted. The corner of his mouth tweaked into a smile as he told me him and his wife were getting a divorce because of previous issues, and he wanted more than anything to be with me. I was overjoyed and said okay. He took me back to his place and we swam in his pool and laid out in the warm sun. We went back into his house and cuddled up in his recliner and watched movies as his lips grazed my ear and made funny little comments that made me giggle. I felt warm, comfortable, loved.

I woke up feeling like that too. I woke up feeling this warmth radiating through my body. It was like I was wrapped up in a fleece blanket with his arms holding it around me. I haven’t felt warm in a long time. It was only while I was in the shower that I remembered my dream wasn’t real, and I burst out crying.

My best friend said “So they say ‘it is better to have love and lost and not loved at all.’ I tend to agree except when the heart ache’s on me.”