Rebounding

Who says rebounding isn’t a good thing? I think it could be quite good for a person. Recent breakup, taking it pretty hard… the last thing you need is to feel isolated and alone.

A cute boy walks into your line of vision, what do you do? You talk to him, you flirt with him. All of the sudden, you’re back in the game. The confidence you lost is coming back, you’re feeling good about yourself, attractive even. The broken heart you have hides for a little while and you forget it is there. You remember how to function a normal heart, just for those few blissful moments. You walk away from the conversation feeling a sense of accomplishment, pride, and you smile to yourself. “See? Look at what I can do. I’m not as broken as I thought after all. Maybe I’ll stop hurting so much now.”

The same cute boy keeps reappearing, and you keep flirting, very harmless. He asks you to dinner, do you refuse? No, you go home and get pretty. You tweeze your eyebrows, throw some eye shadow on, color your lips. You look in the mirror, and you see someone you haven’t seen in a while. She is staring back at you, her eyes wild with excitement. She is pretty, beautiful even. She holds herself high and confidently. She looks good, and she feels even better. “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. Where have you been? Never mind that, we have a date to get to. You ready? Of course you are.”

He picks you up and tells you that you look really nice. You blush and smile and say thanks, that you try, which elicits a laughter from him. You arrive to the restaurant and he opens the doors for you, pulls out your chair, lets you order first. You feel special, like someone cares enough to be chivalrous. He obviously wants to impress you, but why? What makes you worth impressing? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you haven’t thought about him once since your date began, and you don’t even realize it until later. You two talk and laugh, and after what seems like a second, you are heading back out. “Why does this have to end? I was doing so well!”

You get into his car (he opens the door for you) and you look at the time. Only 9:30, still early in the night. He asks if you want to go home now or maybe head to his place. Without even thinking, you say his place, and you don’t regret the decision at all. The pain in your chest is barely noticeable with the racing of your heart out of excitement. This isn’t something you would usually do, it is uncharacteristic, risky, dare-devilish, promiscuous. And guess what? You like that. It makes you feel alive. This is what college is about. “Who am I? It doesn’t matter. I like it. It’s a new me, a fun and daring me. Old me would never go to a guy’s house after the first date. But this isn’t old me anymore.”

You get to his place and sit on the couch. He asks if you want to watch a movie or TV and you jokingly suggest watching Doctor Who like the nerd you are. He says okay turns on the first episode, surprising you. Something he would have never done. You sit close together on the couch until he smoothly puts his arm around you. He is warm, almost like a heater, so you curl up right next to him and lay your head on his chest. His heartbeat is steady and calming. You two joke a little as you point out all of the exciting phrases and plot twists to make sure he understands. You laugh about something and look up at him and then it happens. He takes his hand and places it on the side of your face, leans in, and kisses you. Deeply. You feel his heartbeat speed up and adrenaline is pumping through you. His lips are moving against yours quickly and hard, like you are irresistible. Like he wants you. You break away for a moment and look into his eyes which are intensely looking into yours. His eyes are saying he wants you. His never said that to me. And that is the most erotic feeling you can ever have. The feeling of knowing someone wants you. “I feel sexy. No, I am sexy. This can go anyway I choose. I have control over him now.”

You kiss him again for a few more minutes and he begins kissing your neck and moving down. His face flashes in your mind and you panic and redirect him back up. You hear his voice and see his smile and he won’t go away. You tell him you have to go, you have work early in the morning. He says okay and lets you get up to put your shoes on and fix your hair, and you lean over to kiss him again and he pulls you back down. One more kiss he says, which turns into one more minute. It takes forever to actually leave the house, which is a really good feeling. But you aren’t ready for that yet. And he understands that, to a point. “Not yet. Too soon.”

But next time, you will be ready. “Next time, he won’t stop me.

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About returntoneverland

All around procrastinator, screw-up extraordinaire.
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