Silver Linings

Today, on our snow day, my roommate and I watched The Silver Linings Playbook with Bradley Cooper and my new girl crush Jennifer Lawrence. At first I was skeptical. Though it had amazing reviews and J.Law won an Oscar for Best Actress, the concept of actors portraying people with mental disorders when, supposedly, they have never experienced something like that is concerning for me. Battling with depression and undiagnosed bipolar disorder, I know first hand how minds like that function differently than others and how difficult it can be to cope with it.

It opened with Bradley Cooper in a mental hospital. I have never had to grace the hospital scene, thankfully, but when his characteristics began to show I knew it was going to be an excellent movie. The oddities of his behavior, the extreme mood swings, the frantic nature of his conversations; they were all spot on. And then Jennifer Lawrence appeared, and I began tearing up.

When I was in that dark place, I had trouble censoring my thoughts. I tried extremely hard and became increasingly self-conscious, so at times I just stopped talking. I lost many friends because of it. Honestly, I don’t remember much of those two years of my life. I remember the feelings, but not the actions or thoughts I had.

There was one point in the movie, the night Jennifer Lawrence’s character was walked home by Bradley Cooper. He mentioned how she was still wearing the wedding ring of her dead husband’s after she claimed to be married. She fell into his arms crying and then suddenly slapped him and pranced off. My roommate looked at me quite confused and announced that her actions made no sense. I looked back at her equally confused and said “They make perfect sense!” I sometimes forget how my mind works differently than others; how sometimes my response to things would be completely different than someone else’s. I have to remind myself of that often.

Long story short, the movie was spot on. However, the ending made me quite sad. It was a very happy ending, but I think it hardly ever happens. So what hope is there for me? How far will I fall until I hit rock bottom like Bradley Cooper’s character? And what will pick me back up?

I can only hope that I find someone who can lift me up and not let me go that so many times before.

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About returntoneverland

All around procrastinator, screw-up extraordinaire.
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